She Never Loved Me
by mentalsunflower
Summary: People always say that Rikku's mother died...but what if she didn't? What if Rikku's mother was different than the tales tell?


**A/N**: Okay. This is just a one shot about what REALLY happened to Rikku's mom. Once I'm done my other stories, I am PROBABLY, most likely, going to make it a chapter story. But for now, until I finish my other three stories, it's a one shot.

People always say Rikku's mom died...but did she really? What if she was different than the tales tell?

**Disclaimer**: Nothing belongs to me. It's MAGICAL.

She didn't love us.

I doubt it if she _ever_ did. I mean, she was my mama after all, but being a mother doesn't mean you need to love someone.

I found that out quite easily.

I was three, the blossoming age if a little girl. You're just ditching the terrible twos and are headed for freedom, adulthood, alcohol and boys...but, er, I'm getting off track.

Lots of people like to say my mother died. In fact, I do think Pops started that rumor. I guess he was ashamed of her leaving us. He would always walk around solenmly, and if I hadn't been his daughter, or the daughter of the ditching mama, I wouldn't have thought twice about him telling people she was dead.

But she wasn't.

She _isn't_.

I guess I should stop going off track and actually finish the story.

Anyway, so I was three, right? This is only memory I truly remember, the only memory I still cling to. Why cling to such a horrible thing? Well, it was the turning point of my life, I couldn't possibly forget such a thing.

But anyway, I was outside in the sandbox, the common place for the young children of home to flock to. After all, we weren't allowed to leave Home just yet to play in the sand dunes. Brother was standing off to the side, talking to a few of his friends but always watching over me. Good old big Brother. I wonder what his real name is...

I guess you can kind of tell I don't want to tell the story, hey? I'm not that good at hiding my discomfort, and, well, this is pretty uncomfortable.

But I might as well get this weight off of my chest. Our house was beautiful, a mix of glorious metals and scraps found when rebuilding Home. You might say it was butt-ugly, but to Al Bhed it was the fanciest building on the block. I thought everything in my life was perfect: beautiful house, nice brother, wonderful, loving, caring parents. I remember my mama used to hold me in her lap and rock back and forth, humming a familiar Al Bhed lullaby. She would sing to me softly and stroke my hair, and that's how I used to fall asleep.

I used to think she would be around forever...I used to think she loved me.

Okay, _okay_, I'll stop with the distractions. So I was sitting there playing, when someone inside of our house screamed. It was my mama. Pop's voice roared back, and that's when I knew they were fighting. They had argued a few times, but never an all out war that was clearly going on in the house. The little children scampered off because it sounded like the earth was about to split open from their voices. It was just me and Brother left...just me and Brother left to watch our lives change forever.

My mama suddenly slammed open the screen door. She had a suitcase with her, and her beautiful brunette hair was all amess. Her dress was lopsided and her face was covered with creases and frowns. Even her eyes, usually sparkling, were frowning. That's when I knew something was wrong.

I remember seeing her walk firmly down the road, and then me chasing after her, with Brother trying to catch up.

"Mama, mama!" I called and soon reached her. My pudgy little hand clung to her skirt hem as I held on. She didn't stop, only continued to walk firmly. I sobbed. "Mama, where are you going? Where?" I began to cry whole-heartedly then from all the yelling and her ignoring me, but she still drug me on.

"Rikku, get off," she said firmly. I had never heard her voice that cold.

"Mama..."

She sighed and then stopped, kneeling down to look me in the eye.

"Rikku, honey, I'm sorry..."

"Sorry?" I sniffed, wiping my eyes. Mama had stopped, everything was okay. "Sorry for what?"

She sighed and rubbed my hand almost wearily. "Mama has to go."

I cocked my head curiously. "Go? Go where? To Nana's?"

She laughed sadly and cupped my cheek in her hand. "Oh Rikku...darling. Mama's not fit for this place."

"Not...fit?"

"Mama...Mama doesn't really like Home," she said slowly and clearly. That's when I knew something was terribly wrong. And I mean _terribly_.

"Are we moving?" I asked stupidly. Mama only shook her head.

"Rikku, I'm sorry. Mama has to leave - and she won't be coming back."

She didn't even hug me. She just looked at me one last time, stood up, and walked swiftly down the road. I only stared after her, my tears pooling in my eyes.

I didn't chase after that time. I knew it would be useless. I knew that my mama...I knew she was gone forever.

Pops said that it was because he and Mama weren't getting along, that they didn't see eye to eye. But is that any excuse to suddenly drop your children on your husband and leave, never to come and visit them EVER? I was heart broken. I sat on the front step for months, for years even, every evening just praying she would come back, praying she would come back to say I love you, or to hold me in her lap and stroke my hair.

By age ten I knew she was never coming back. And my love for her was lost. Even the hurt. It was all replaced with anger, with a hatred for the woman that left her family, that left her children. She had created an illusion. She had made it seem like she loved me.

She didn't.

She doesn't.

I don't even know where she is anymore. All I know is that don't listen to the rumors. My mama is NOT dead. She's alive. I can feel it.

And it's a pity.

I hate her. She lied to me. She lied to us. I hate her for everything she's done.

And yet, when my heart is overcome with such emotions, a faint memory comes drifting back that causes me to break out in tears, that causes the hate to vanish. I'm being rocked back and forth, my hair is being stroked, and someone is singing to me an old lullaby...someone with shiney brown hair and sparkling blue eyes.

_That_ is the mama I love. _That _is the mama I miss.

_Ricr meddma tynmehk, _

_Sysy'c nekrd rana._

_Cra'mm rik oui vunajan, _

_Cra'mm ymfyoc pa hayn._

_E'mm dilg oui eh, _

_Yht cyo kuut hekrd, _

_Ruhao, cfaado, _

_Ajanodrehk'c kuhhy pa ymm nekrd._

**Hush little darling, **

**Mama's right here, **

**She'll hug you forever, **

**She'll always be near, **

**I'll tuck you in, **

**And say good night, **

**Honey, sweety, **

**Everything's gonna be all right.**


End file.
